This is MY STELLA.
I am a mom of two children. I love reading picture books and often go to the aquarium with my children on holidays. I am happiest to see the profile of my child cheering at the dolphin's jump. There are also nights when I am fascinated by Shotaro Ikenami's novels. As I live such a daily life, I will talk about the "way to nurture the mind" that I learned with my children.
A child's smile taught me a recipe ✨ for happiness
"Mom, look!" My child expresses the joy of wearing socks by herself with her whole body during the busy morning hours. That momentary brilliance melted my heart, which was frustrated by lack of sleep.
"A child's sparkling smile is a natural vitamin that relieves the stiff mind of adults."
Tomoko is a veteran mom friend at a nursery school, often says. I think that's really true.
The expression of pure joy in children is the best gift for us adults. I want to cherish the sensitivity to notice that small happiness even in my busy days.
Cultivating 💎 the "ability to admit oneself"
Professor Takahashi, a psychology teacher in college, often said, "Parents who do not recognize themselves cannot unconditionally recognize their children." Now that I am a mother, I feel the meaning of those words, which I did not understand deeply at the time.
I myself was busy with housework, childcare, and work, and I often blamed myself for seeking perfection too much. "I have to be more solid" "Other moms are doing it properly". Such thoughts unknowingly led to frustration with the child.
However, every time I come into contact with my child's unconditional love, "Mom, it's good!", I realize that it doesn't have to be perfect. As I began to recognize myself, the way I treated my children strangely changed.
Picture books teach you how to 📚 nurture your mind
Our daily routine before going to bed is picture book time. I especially love picture books such as "Gurito Gura" and "Harapeko Caterpillar", which depict challenges.
The other day, when I read "Kumako Woof" that my mom friend Yumi taught me at nursery school, my child said, "I like to think like Woof!" I'm happy that I sympathize with the "selfishness" of the main character of the story.
The characters in the picture book are friends of the heart who quietly talk to children that it is okay to fail and that it is okay to be different
Just as the picture books I read as a child are still a source of emotional support, I would like to deliver many stories that nourish my mind to children.
The important difference 💭 between "scolding" and "getting angry"
The other day, when my child spilled juice. I was tired and couldn't help but think, "How many times do I have to say it to you? I raised my voice. At that time, my heart ached when I saw the frightened expression of the child.
The words I learned in psychology at university that "scolding is to modify behavior, and getting angry is to release emotions" crossed my mind.
"Scolding" is for children's growth, so "getting angry" is a stress relief for parents 。 Since I became aware of this difference, I began to tell myself, "Take a deep breath, take a deep breath" when I feel frustrated.
The words of the nursery school principal that "children's actions always have meaning" are also a stop when you are about to get angry. If you take a breath and think, "Why did you spill it?", your anger will subside.
Growing the flower of the heart, watering 🌱 with love from mom
1. The Magic 👂 of Listening with Your Heart
Mariko, a mom friend at the nursery school, advised, "When listening to your child, you should listen with your eyes, ears, and heart." When I put down my smartphone, look into my eyes, and listen while nodding, my child's expression shines.
2. Confidence 🌈 that grows from small choices
"Which park should I go to today?" "What can I put in my lunch box?" By entrusting small everyday choices, you will develop the confidence that you can make your own decisions.
3. Sow the seeds of 🧠 thinking
I remember a university professor who said, "Value the thinking process rather than teaching the answer." When you ask, "What do you think I should do?", the child begins to think seriously.
4. Words ✨ that acknowledge the process
If you acknowledge not only "good" and "amazing", but also "you were concentrating on kneading clay" and "you didn't give up even when you were in trouble", your child will not be afraid to take on challenges.
5. Value individuality 🦋, not comparison
The words "my brother can do it" hurt my little heart. Each person is different. I learned from my mom friends that it is important to recognize that childishness.
6. Courage to Watch and Safety Net 🛡️
When playing on the playground equipment in the park, it is time to watch while being on suspense. The sense of accomplishment that "I did it myself!" fosters children's self-confidence. But I pay close attention to safety.
When you are frustrated, be 🍵 kind to yourself
Busy with daily childcare, housework, and work can make you feel frustrated. In such cases, the "way to organize emotions" taught by my university mentor is helpful.
"Accept yourself as you are frustrated" and "There are no perfect parents" without blaming yourself. And make time to heal yourself, even if it's just a moment, by taking a deep breath or smelling your favorite scent.
Water your tired heart. Moms who can take care of themselves can be kind to their children
The "frustration relief method" taught by the nursery school teacher is also effective. "If you get frustrated, open the window and look up at the sky." Naturally, you take a deep breath and your mind is reset.
Today is another day growing with 🌷 my child
After the child goes to bed, it's time to take a breather and open Shotaro Ikenami's book. This is my important charging time. I fall asleep thinking, "I'll be a kinder mom tomorrow."
But the next morning, I sometimes get frustrated in the flurry again. Still, I feel that I am growing little by little compared to before. Rather than aiming for perfection, we grow together with our children. That is the path I chose to raise children.
Summary: Children and parents are adorable 🌈 as they are
A child's smile is an irreplaceable treasure. By being aware of the difference between "scolding" and "getting angry" and accepting each other as they are, children can feel that they are okay with being like this. Reading picture books is also a rich time to nurture the mind.
There are days when you get frustrated and tired, but take care of yourself too. With the words of my university teacher, "No parent is perfect, there are parents who continue to grow," I cherish the small discoveries I make every day.
Neither children nor parents need to be perfect. Cultivate each other's smiles and grow together. I think that the accumulation of such days will become a treasure when I look back someday.
Frequently Asked Questions
- 「叱る」と「怒る」はどう違いますか？
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「叱る」は子どもの行動を正すための冷静な働きかけ、「怒る」は親の感情を発散することです。疲れていると「怒る」になりがちですが、深呼吸して一呼吸おいてから話しかけると、子どものための「叱る」に変わります。
- 子どもの自己肯定感を育てるために、親が一番意識すべきことは？
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「結果より過程を見る」ことです。テストの点数よりも「頑張った姿勢」、うまくできたことよりも「挑戦した事実」を認める声かけが、子どもに「自分はこのままでいい」という感覚を育てます。
子どもの笑顔を育てるのは、「あなたはここにいていいんだよ」という日々の積み重ねです。生まれてきてくれたことへの喜びを、名前入り絵本という形で贈ってみませんか。
Also 自己肯定感を育てる言葉がけもあわせてご覧ください。
