There is a saying that "it doesn't hurt to put your grandson in your eyes". But if you actually see it, it will be a big deal...! The love of grandparents is really precious, but sometimes you think, "Wait a minute!"
Every time I go back to my parents' house, my mother-in-law says, "I'll buy you this too, I'll buy you that too." My daughter, who is in kindergarten, is overjoyed, but in the car on the way home, the remark "Mom is stingy" pops up, and her mother's heart is in tatters... But I can understand how grandma feels. I want to do anything for my cute grandson.
Today, an egg mom raising a 5-year-old daughter will talk about "how to convey love to her grandchildren" that she wants to think about with her grandparents, with real experiences. If you are a mom and dad generation, please refer to it!
Does pampering ruin grandchildren? I want to be concerned about the impact on my child's growth
People in the past said, "Let cute children travel," but today's grandparents are in a state of "buy everything for cute children" (laughs). This is a big joy for children in the short term, but a little worried in the long run.
When I go to my grandmother's house, my daughter's eyes sparkle. I'm looking at you, "What can I buy today?" The "begging technique" that I learned in kindergarten is also in full swing. "I love my grandmother!" she says in a sweet voice, so my mother-in-law is also mellow.
But it's hard when I get home. "Mom bought it too!" "Grandma bought it for me!" Continuous attacks. In my daughter, I have a diagram of "mom = stingy, grandma = kind", and my mother's position is... (tears)
It's not that "too much cuteness is a hundred times more hateful", but if you pamper yourself too much, it is difficult to develop the ability to endure. By the time I get older, I can see entering elementary school, but I wonder if it's okay as it is... I'm really worried.
Po Chip
Introducing the positive short-term effects and the reality of long-term stress in the article
Last week, at my parents-in-law's house. Even though it was before dinner, my daughter said, "I want to eat ice cream!" and when I said, "Let's do it after dinner," my mother-in-law said, "Well, today is special."
As a result, I hardly ate dinner. "Look, that's why I told you," he shouted in his heart, keeping a smile on his face. This advanced acting, someone praises me...!
They say "up to 100 souls of triplets", but the habits you acquire in early childhood are really important. But it's hard for my grandparents to understand it. Because in your time, it was common to "eat without leaving anything!" in a "wasteful spirit", which is the exact opposite of today's "childcare without forcing".
Sleep time is also a big problem. At my house, I go to bed at 9 o'clock, but at my grandmother's house, I go to bed at 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock to "play a little more"... When I see my daughter sleepy at kindergarten the next day, I feel depressed, saying, "Is my childcare useless?"
Examples of pampering from everyday scenes and the meaning of proverbs
Every time I pass through the candy section at the supermarket, I attack "buy this". I say, "I won't buy it anymore today," but my mother-in-law, who is with me, decides with one word, "Grandma will buy it for me." The cart is full of sweets.
My daughter is also 5 years old, and she has learned that "if your mother says no, you can ask your grandmother." I'm afraid that this will lead to the mindset that "if you say no, you can ask someone else" in human relationships in the future.
It's not that "it rains and the ground hardens", but we are exploring the sense of distance between each other while repeating these small collisions. At first, I was frustrated, thinking, "Why don't you listen to me!", but now I can think, "Well, sometimes it's okay." I've grown up (laughs)
Explaining the importance of distance and role division
I want to raise my parents with care about the division of roles between parents and grandparents.
As the saying goes, "Mochi is a mochi shop", there is a division of roles in raising children. Parents are in charge of daily discipline, and grandparents are in charge of making special memories. This is ideal.
I would like to ask grandparents to leave the "rules of daily life" to their parents and take on the role of providing "special experiences". For example, we can cook dishes together that we can't normally cook, or teach them about seasonal events. Such "things that can only be done at grandma's house" will be the greatest treasure for grandchildren.
My father-in-law is good at working in the fields and teaches his daughter how to grow vegetables. When people say, "These tomatoes were planted by ○○-chan," my daughter tries to eat tomatoes that she doesn't like. This kind of experience is something I can't offer.
Article on how to communicate to protect the sense of distance
It takes a lot of courage to say, "Mother-in-law, that's right...". But if you don't say it, you will be stressed.
Grandparents also get defensive when their sons, daughters' wives, and sons-in-law say, "Let's talk about it for a moment...". But this is something we can talk about because we have a common purpose: "for our grandchildren."
What I practice is the "sandwich speech method". First→ I talk about gratitude→ the main topic, and then gratitude.
"Thank you for always taking care of ○○-chan. Actually, I'm focusing on dietary education right now, and I want to have snacks only on weekends. I would be happy if you could cooperate. I am really grateful for your help!"
Like this. It's easier for grandparents to accept this than to be told "Don't buy sweets!"
The real challenges of living together and living in close proximity and the teaching of proverbs
My friends who live with me seem to be having a hard time. It's not "strangers closer than distant relatives", but if you get too close, you can see each other's lives too much and get frustrated with the details.
My mother-in-law said, "You can't leave my child alone when he's crying!" or she said, "You don't have to be so nervous." But neither of them is wrong. Different generations have different common sense of childcare.
From the time when grandparents were raising their children to now, the information and environment of childcare have changed a lot. The experience of "this was how we were in our time" is important, but it is really helpful for the parent generation to have the flexibility to "have this way of thinking now".
This friend made a "home rule sheet" and put it on the refrigerator. "Snack once a day" or "TV for 30 minutes", etc. It's easier to protect each other when you visualize it. I see!
Introducing how to interact with people who develop self-esteem
I want to raise them with the importance of respecting them as a person.
By the age of 5, you will be able to express your opinions firmly. They enthusiastically talk about what happened in kindergarten, and clearly insist that "this is good" and "I don't like that".
Grandparents have plenty of time, so they can take their time to face their grandchildren. This is really enviable. My mother-in-law listens to her daughter's story a lot. "Today, in kindergarten, with my friends...", I honestly let it go in the middle of the endless 5-year-old talk, but my mother-in-law asks me until the end, "So what?"
Just like "it rains and the ground hardens", children are stabilized by being listened to. I would like my grandparents to cherish this "listening time". It's something that busy parents can't easily do.
Ideas for cultivating important thoughts with Mystera's picture books
Oh yes, the personalized picture book "MY STELLA" has been very active in our house recently! This is a picture book in which the daughter is the main character, and the name and appearance can be customized.
I got a gift from my mother-in-law, but my daughter said, "This is me! I was overjoyed. As a parent, I would be happy if I could receive such a "special experience" as a gift, not an object.
While watching her daughter adventuring in a picture book, her mother-in-law calls out, "○○-chan has courage" and "You're a kind child." I think this really develops a sense of self-esteem. I realized that this kind of mental nutrition is more important than the joy of receiving things.
Grandparents, when thinking about gifts for grandchildren, please include these "memorable gifts" in your options before toys and sweets!
Introducing a practical checklist with examples in an article
What are the NG behaviors that tend to be done? How to raise a proverb
It's not "hurry up", but it's also NG to get your hands on it right away. When my daughter was trying to put on her shoes, her mother-in-law would let her put them on quickly, saying, "It will take time." I understand how you feel, but that would take away your chance to grow.
My kindergarten teacher said that it is very important to get into the habit of "doing what you can do yourself" at this time of year. If you don't wear it before entering elementary school, you will have a hard time later.
Also, never criticize your parents in front of them! I guess they say it lightly, such as "Mom is worried," but children think that "Mom is a bad person." In fact, I was shocked when my kindergarten teacher pointed out that "I sometimes say 'mom is no good' these days."
Grandparents, please be on the side of your son and daughter in front of your grandchildren. That leads to the stability of the grandson's mind.
Explanation of OK actions that grandparents want them to do
On the contrary, this is nice! There are many behaviors like that.
To give time as a gift. Memories rather than things! Playing with them in the park and reading picture books. Kindergarteners have physical strength, so parents are honestly exhausted. It would be very helpful if my grandparents took me out and said, "Let's go to the park!"
Then they say, "It's what mom and dad decided, so let's protect it." When I hear this, I am very happy. I have an ally! I think.
Examples of learning from actual home scenes
My friend B-chan made a "sleepover promise card". Cards with pictures of bedtime and TV time. It seems that if you put this on your grandparents' house, the child will be able to say, "It's the appointed time." Genius!
When you are about 5 years old, you will develop the ability to understand and follow the rules. If you put it in the form of a "promise to keep even at grandma's house", it will be easier for children to understand.
I think I'll try to imitate it and make it too. My daughter also likes to draw, and if we make it together, he might protect me.
Explain the positive impact of the presence of grandparents on grandchildren in an article
Accumulation of love and security
"Compassion is not for people." The unconditional love of grandparents enriches the hearts of children.
On the day my daughter had a bad thing in kindergarten, I called my mother-in-law and said, "○○-chan, come to your grandmother's place." That day, I went straight to my parents-in-law's house and was spoiled a lot. The next day, my daughter went to kindergarten as if nothing had happened.
I realized that having a "third place" called grandparents, not just parents, stabilizes children's minds. This is something I am really grateful for.
Grandparents, please be confident in how much support your presence is for your grandchildren!
I want to raise my grandparents with concern about the role of their grandparents who support their growth.
When my father-in-law told me about the war, my daughter listened seriously, saying, "I'm scared." When you are 5 years old, you will be able to understand these important stories.
"Review the old and know the new". Know the old and learn the new. Grandparents are living history textbooks. Memories of old games, life, and war that cannot be taught by the parents' generation. It's a really valuable experience to hear such stories.
Grandparents, please pass on your own experiences and memories to your grandchildren. That will be the asset of your grandson's heart.
The future of children raised by parents and grandparents together
How to build a cooperative relationship
"One person is the limit, if everyone does it, it is infinite"... There is no such thing as a saying (laughs), but parenting is a team play.
I have a "family meeting" at my parents-in-law's house on the first day of the month. However, I just report on my daughter's condition while drinking tea. But this is very effective! Grandparents can also know the growth of their grandchildren, and they can also convey our thoughts.
I am especially happy when my mother-in-law shows her understanding, saying, "I see, that's how childcare is now." Even if you don't completely agree, you can be saved just by being accepted as "you have such an idea."
Grandparents, please listen to the story of your son and daughter. Instead of saying, "Our time was different," try to start by saying, "That's how it is now."
Aiming for a happy future for children
After all, both parents and grandparents want their children to be happy. It's just that the method is different, but the goal is the same.
"A hundred words are worth a thousand words." Rather than explaining it in theory, when you raise children together, you can understand how difficult it is for each other. On the day I left my daughter with my mother-in-law for one day, when I went to pick her up, she was exhausted (laughs). He said, "It's hard to raise a child now," and since then, the number of unreasonable requests has decreased.
Grandparents should also spend a whole day with their grandchildren once in a while. If you do that, you can understand the difficulty of your parents' generation, and you can have special time with your grandchildren, killing two birds with one stone!
Summary: Raise your grandchildren who want to be careful and learn with proverbs
"It doesn't hurt to put my grandson in my eyes," but it's hard if I put it in my eyes (second time). The love of my grandparents is really precious and I am grateful. However, just by devising a little bit of how to convey that love, children will grow up healthier.
Time rather than things, empathy over orders, and cooperation rather than criticism. If you are aware of these three things, you will surely be able to do well!
"Childcare is self-education". While raising children, we parents and grandparents all grow together. It doesn't have to be perfect. Little by little, step by step.
Grandparents, please watch over your sons and daughters warmly, sometimes lend a hand, and sometimes watch over them. Your love will be the light that will illuminate your grandchildren's future.
I was struggling with the ice cream problem before dinner today. Tomorrow, I'll explain the snack rules at my parents-in-law's house again... Good luck, me! (And grandparents and moms and dads all over the country!) ）
